Is Your Romance Over?

Is Your Romance Over?

There comes a time in every relationship – before AND after marriage – when one of the two people pauses to look within and ask, “Is this what I want?”

This is a natural progression when you are growing closer to someone. Relationships can often look and feel like a dance: you hold each other near for a while, and then, sooner or later, you back up and look at each other with a bit of emotional distance. Depending on what you “see” when you take a step back, and the level of your conversation about the issues you are experiencing, you decide to reunite and continue dancing, or, move away from each other. No doubt about it… the love dance can sometimes feel like a rollercoaster ride instead of a romantic waltz.

Here are some questions that will help you get clarity to decide if it is time to break up... or re-commit. Answer these questions as honestly as possible:

The “Other” Factor
When you are with your partner, do you often think of, or wish, you were with someone else? This is often a red flag that says you want out because you know she or he is not quite right. You may have settled; you may have fear of being alone; or, you may feel that there is a scarcity of potential partners and that you are lucky to have found someone, even if they aren’t “IT” for you.

Resentment or Other Negative Emotions
Do you often resent the requests that he or she makes of you? Does he or she do things that embarrass you, or make you feel bad, but you are afraid to mention it? Can you learn to say NO when you need to? If you don’t know how to say NO graciously, and you are starting to overflow with the hot lava of anger, your mutual dynamic has to change. If it doesn’t, you will either start behaving covertly, have an emotional explosion, or…you are heading for a breakup.

Values and Standards
Do you both share important values? Take a good look at what you treasure and hold dear and see if your partner feels the same way. Can you talk about it and is he or she willing to get counseling help as soon as possible? If not, your relationship is probably hanging by a thread.

Lying and Cheating
Has your partner cheated on you? This is a difficult problem for most relationships and is a definite warning sign that your partnership may not last. Your only hope of working this through and coming out successfully on the other side is to get a coach or therapist and address the issues that brought it about. Beware: Do not settle for easy answers. If there is any physical or psychological abuse, don’t make excuses for the person. You want out now.

Liking and Respecting Each Other
Do the two of you LIKE each other? You might have fantastic chemistry but you can count on that to vanish over time if you do not genuinely like each other. Liking someone usually involves sharing a sense of humor, following the same spiritual beliefs, having respect for each other’s character and integrity, and admiring the work or contribution that each one does.

Love and Passages
Do you love each other? Do you believe that the feelings are mutual? When the infatuation stage passes, do you still find this person to be someone you love unconditionally? Do you care as much for their happiness as you do your own?

Enduring Love
Do you feel that your love is timeless, and if you had met at any time in your life, you would still have chosen each other? Is your deepest desire to grow old together? Can you picture the stages of life you will have with each other? These are all positive signs that you are in this relationship for the long haul.

However…can you let go and move on if your partner wants to leave? When you are strong enough to be able to walk away, if the other person doesn’t want to be there anymore, then you have a chance to talk it through and possibly mend what got broken. If you cling, feel desperate, and inflict guilt or blame, your chances for making it together or of being happy are greatly diminished.

Is your romance over? How you answered the above may give you some clues. Whatever you discovered, you may have some work to do. Which is entirely normal. Anything worth having is worth working for.



xoxoxo

CJ

New Relations

Chicago, Illinois

USA